Things I Do Not Say to God
       

are like the things I do not say to my mother
when she calls Tuesday night

to hear half-truths about my happiness.
fingers tracing lines in the dust on my dresser

she says areyoukeepingyourroomclean and I say yes
she says areyoukeepingyourselfclean and I say

or like when she asks about my love and I respond
he’s good to me because she sawed me in half

and left the pieces detached
is a mouthful. the magical act of abandon.

things I do not say to God
are like the things I do not say to myself, i.e

                        you are still not well
                        everyone was right about you
                        your french onion dip obsession is out of control

or like the things I do not say to the girl
(who could love me again, post-anxiety)

stop wearing her t-shirts to bed after tonight tomorrow.

I remember the hesitation that fell out of my mouth
the day I tried to tell my mother how healing

is best done while screaming
but she turned labelmaker

so you what now? then stamped me. so the whole porch
knows why I can't keep a man (Great Value)

her advice becomes how bout you pray for guidance, child
and I clasp my hands but draw a blank.

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Copyright © 2020 Jae Nichelle All rights reserved
from The Porch (As Sanctuary)
YesYes Books
Reprinted by Verse Daily® with permission